Spiritual Purification - Part 1

This post is supposed to be up long time back...but i only have time to ponder about it now..(",)

There was a 3step 1bow event organised by Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastry (KMS) on Labour Day, v early in the morning, at 6am. This was held for volunteers, sunday school children and other internal staff, prior to the actual one on Vesak Day. Dear Dear and I reached there abit late, as we queued at the back, while the participants positioned themselves to get ready for the event to commence. By the time the first bunch of partcipants dressed in black robes, who were led by a few senior monks (who reside in KMS) started walking for 3 steps and kneeling all the way down (a bow), we were still getting ready our standing positions. It's a long wait, but i'm a patient gal...heehee..

The sky started to turn orange (can u imagine a dark sky with orange clouds? = )...oh my, and it drizzled shortly after that. I was thinking then, " Will they cancel the event? But I have been looking forward to it for some time! It's my first 3step 1 bow event, and i was soo glad that I could participate...Dun tell me the rain's gonna spoil the whole thing..."

As the "raindrops keep falling on my head", I was already cold but 'warm at heart'...I could feel the "purification", as if the raindrops that fell on me washed away every sin, attachment, and desire that I have accumulated previously, sometimes unknowingly. Dear Dear, maybe now u would understand why i kept refusing to go into the shelter, despite the number of times u strongly requested me to...surprisingly, none of the participants gave up and went indoors. Maybe they had the same feeling as mine.

The feeling was so strong, it was one of the few times that I felt a strong force in me, as I thought firmly, "I would stay on". Have u ever had such a feeling before? Though strong and 'unswayed', I felt very peaceful within. All of a sudden, i was alone in my own world, i couldn't hear whispers, squeals, or chatters from the others. I couldn't see the people around me clearly. I couldn't care less about the strong gushes of wind that kept blowing onto me, and the raindrops that tickled onto my face. I didn't even shiver. It was cold on the outside, on my body, but very warm inside, in my soul..That was a time where I can really feel my soul. I imagined Buddha, as He was sitting (a very big figure) in front of me, smiling, and a ray of light...but that was for a very short while only.

I became to concentrate on that strong feeling i had, and it worked quite well, because everyone around me was shivering, but i was still standing firm and unswayed. I was drenched, cold but not shivering. I could have tolerated throughout the event, when the organisers announced it's cancelled as it was already raining cats and dogs then.

I felt disappointed for a while. But this is something which is beyond control. It's an act of god. And suddenly seeing everyone who was shivering, especially the more elderly ones and the children, it could be a suffering to them. And i was thinking, "the organisers should have stopped the event earlier"...now everyone was drenched.

A very good thing was that despite the rain and the cancellation of the event, everyone was smiling..none of them complained that they had to climb out from their cosy bed early in the morning, forgo breakfast, and having to get drenched...

Some took care of themselves well, they brought t-shirts to get changed (including Dear Dear), they bought hot beverages to make their body warm...and they were still smiling!

I was feeling great! Dear Dear was comforting me, saying that at least we attempted. But I wasn't angry or had any negative feelings at all. I was feeling GREAT! ok, maybe juz a tiny bit of disappointment, but still great...heehee...

FIN303 - Financial Management

OMG, i juz finished my Finance paper last nite. Well well well, i used to score a Distinction for Fundamentals of Finance in poly, but u know, this paper is gonna be a gone case. During the 2-hr open-book exam, I was already contemplating how it would be like if i have to retake the paper next semester. Open-book exam! Did u notice that? i dun like it at all. The questions are not straight forward, and you gotta analyse the results based on your knowledge and whatever is available in your textbook and seminar notes. You know, it's basically coming up with your own theory, with combinations from everywhere! It's like, putting in @#$@%^@$ into a BIG mixer, and letting this whole chunk of 'junk' swirl, mix, spin, churn and blend into smtg like abcdefghijkl...beautifully. But in my mixer, that whole chunk of junk came out to be uglier and more disgusting - it's like this: #$@%^*$%#*%& #(%^#)(%^#)(%&#@@#$$#%^**, totally illerate and unedible, and simply poisonous! The verdict? Failure, followed by a harder and demoralized second attempt for success, that could most likely be a waste of money, time and efforts (not to mention a broken record - cuz i have never failed any exam before). What's even worse is that success isn't a 100% guarantee. Argh.

But hey, i'm still ok. Really.

Black, White and Grey

Before I start proper, hey sis! u r again, comparing that post of urs with mine which are based on the same event!! My sis has written a longer and better post on the chalet we had with our relatives...though no pictures are posted yet. My sis has a flair for writing! Save for the fact that I'm lazier than her - I write pretty well too...hee...BHB - buay hiao bai (BHB is taught by a good n new-found fren of mine in SIM - Kai Ee).

I dun like competition, especially with my love ones. The best opponent is yourself. Surely you know that, it's juz that sometimes you need people to remind you. Same goes for good and truthful, but ugly advice. For instance, I pretty well know that junk food are detrimental to my health, and makes me fat - well, that's not even the last thing on Earth I would wish for - but I still like them. Potato chips and chocolates especially, not to mention cakes, ice-creams, candies..haha..let alone deep-fried and oily food. But they are nice, dun you agree? heehee.. So I know they are threats to my health and weight, but people like Dear Dear and my mum still "nag" at me..haha..

So you know - people give good advice not because you don't know about them - but because they are reminding you about the good things you have to do. You pretty much know that you have to do the right things, you know about the good advice, but sometimes, desires, ignorance (you choose to ignore), temptations, greed, laziness, contradictions...lead you "astray"...desires are frightening...well well well, we are after all, humans, and we err...

Sometimes, it's really hard to differentiate pure black and pure white areas - at our age, the more we grow up, the more grey areas we will "encounter"...I guess at the end of the day, as long as our conscience is clear, as long as we do not attempt to hurt anyone or any other living being including ourselves, life would still be great! *winkz*

ok, forget about all these "heavy" stuffs..though they are good stuffs..hee..contradiction again...

If u wanna read more on the chalet, go to typicalgalnextdoor.blogspot.com ya...